A different kind of woman…
We youth know the internet as a big place, where a lot of people feel okay about tormenting and hurting others behind the protection of the sterile glare of their computer screens.
But Balpreet Kaur, a neuroscience major and baptized Sikh woman, is showing us all, through courage and eloquence, that educating others can be the antidote to ignorance, hate, and unkindness.
Check it out:
A young Sikh woman — whose photo was taken at an airport, posted online, and then ridiculed by hundreds — is being hailed across the web today after defending herself so eloquently that her original tormenter felt compelled to apologize to all Sikhs everywhere.
Please see the full CBC news article, written by Lauren O’Neil, here: http://www.cbc.ca/news/yourcommunity/2012/09/bearded-sikh-woman-teaches-reddit-a-lesson.html
Is it just me, or is it tough to find a good guy, now-a-days? I mean, maybe its just me, but whenever I start thinking about my future, I get this nagging feeling. Any thoughts of marriage end up involving a very handsome groom with a blurred face. When will that face crystallize?! I’m finding as I get older, and transitioning out of school, that it is becoming harder and harder to find a guy I can date longer than a year, let alone find “the one”. I feel like I might end up dragging, or worse, being dragged, to the altar.
So this post ends up being about finding “the one” – less about deciphering who is the one, and actually determining where the hell you can even find him – or his friend, brother, cousin, relative, etc.
One really important thing to remember is that, although it’s really hard, you have to put yourself out there. You have to be confident – you have to remember you are incredible, and interesting, and unique, and you need to have a thick skin and not be afraid of a little rejection.
Once you got your confidence on high blast, lit with neon signs and decked out in glitter, time to go fishing!
Take Advantage of School: School presents a wonderful opportunity to meet people. Between classes, clubs and extra-curricular activities, the potential to meet people are endless! Plus, school allows you to connect with specific groups or types of people – you can join a club that contains people you would be interested in, whether its meeting an adventurous person in the sky-diving club, or someone of your own ethnic background. Put yourself out there!
Ask a Friend to Set You Up: Your friends know you best, and they may have someone special in mind for you, based on the intimate relationships they share with their other friends. What could be the harm of getting their advice or trying a couple blind dates?
Be Careful About Dating in the Workplace: It’s easy to meet people at work, but harder to get rid of them from your life if the relationship goes south. Be as close to 100% sure before you pursue a workplace relationship.
Go to the right places to find the right type of man: What type of guy do you want? Maybe someone who likes to drink and have a good time? Take your girlfriends and go out to the local bar. Looking for someone more low-key and philosophical? Try checking out the art gallery or the spoken word contest or book reading at a local cafe. In other words, go to the right place to find the right guy for you. It always surprises me when my girlfriends go to a bar, come home with someone they later realize is not compatible with them, and then stare at me baffled. Choose the right location to find the right person. Common interests in location lead to common interests in relationships.
Know What You Want and Don’t Settle for Less: You may meet a lot of duds before the right one comes along. A lot of women don’t realize that the inability to know what they want is the direct reason they can’t select the right guy for them. For some people, it’s a process of elimination – each new (and failed) relationship teaches them what they are or aren’t looking for in the final selection. But for others, it’s about indecision – about not knowing within what you want, or knowing that you are good enough to deserve what you want, and thus, finding the right person seems like an insurmountable challenge. You have to know yourself – and be confident enough in yourself to recognize that you are good enough for the best person for you. You should never settle for less than what makes you really happy – you should love yourself enough to recognize that it is better to be alone, then be with someone else and unhappy.
Other thoughts on how/where to find the right guy? Share them with us!
~ The Wonders of Womanhood
My Declaration of Self Esteem
By Virginia Satir
I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do.
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay. — from Self Esteem
We see it all the time in TV shows; episode after episode the protagonist ignores all the warning signs that her boyfriend isn’t right for her, or doesn’t really love her. It starts with small signs, where the girl says to herself or her friend “that’s odd, I wonder why he did that” or “I’m confused, what did he mean when he said that” and it builds into flat-out denial of “I know he didn’t mean that” or “he was just stressed” or “it was just the circumstances” or, the one I hate the most, “it will be different this time”.
Alright so today The Wonders of Womanhood has decided to tackle a rather uncomfortable situation. You know how annoying it is to have Aunt Flo in town but sometimes…she makes her presence known to others. I remember last year I was sitting in a lecture hall at U of T. A young woman sit in the row behind me. She sat down and a slight shift in the position of her legs and I got a clear whiff of Aunt Flo being in town! It was a rather uncomfortable and sometimes unbearable situation for all!
We would like to tell you – a bad-smelling period is a very normal concern. There is nothing wrong with you. Periods are the discharge of blood, uterine lining and fluids; it’s not a pretty combination and you shouldn’t feel insecure if you notice Aunt Flo is…talking softly but wearing a loud shirt!
So, how can you combat this concern, and make sure Aunt Flow stays in your pants?
Hi Wonders of Womanhood!
First off, love your blog!
I need your advice. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year, but we hit a bump and I don’t know if I want to be in the relationship anymore – its boring. I’m trying to figure out if this is normal or not, and what my relationship might be like a year or more from now if I stayed. Don’t get me wrong, I really like him. Its just…I don’t want to be bored in a relationship, but I don’t want to lose him if this ‘slump’ is just temporary.
I want to ask my friends what their experiences are like, but no one that I feel comfortable talking with who is my age (19) has been in a long-term relationship. I know you guys will tell me every relationship is different, and I get that. I have to decide for myself. But…I just want to know how people in long term relationships feel. Does the spark go away? Do you get boringly comfortable in the relationship? Like, you know – the “old married couple” thing…Can you guys gives me some ideas about what I can expect in the future? What do people in long term relationships experience?
Your question comes right after a funny How I Met Your Mother episode, where we see a comparison between the relationship between Zoey and Ted (a challenging, passionate relationship), and Lily and Marshall (a comfortable, the “perfect” relationship).
An important message from that episode is – just because someone has a different relationship than the “ideal” perfect couple, it doesn’t mean thats a worse couple, by any means (although mutual support in a relationship is always better than constant battles).
I think “the fizzing out” is a problem a lot of people worry about. You’re right – the first thing we will tell you is every relationship is different and no universal piece of advice applies to all relationships. Age, ethnicity, personal interests, education, childhood upbringing, location and just about everything else can affect how your relationship works. There is no way we could tell you what your relationship would be like in a week, or a year or even five years down the road, and there is no way we could even tell you what an ideal long-term relationship would be. In other words, we don’t have a crystal ball.
But, in spite of this, I still think we can help you. We roped in a member of our team (who has been in a long-term relationship) into an interview. Hopefully, the answers to her questions will give you insight into the experience of someone who has been dating for several years. She is only a couple of years older than you, so you might be able to better identify with her perspective (in comparison to maybe someone ten years older than you). Maybe her experience will match yours, or at least give you insight.
I’ve been dating a girl for about 6 months now, really like her. She invited me to meet her friends next week. Any tips? Wanna make a good impression.
Meeting her friends for the first time can be daunting. You know that what her friends think will impact her impression of you, but we’d like to say right off the bat that if she really likes you, she’ll take their impressions with a grain of salt. Either way, I’m sure making the best impression can only be helpful rather than harmful. So, we’ve come up with some tips, and we open the floor to our readers to cover anything we might miss.