“Do you know what a woman is most afraid of in the world? It’s that she is not gonna find that one person who accepts her for everything that she is, and that, when she finally starts to let him in, he’s just going to leave.” – Kate to Ben, in Ben and Kate Season 1, Episode 1.
All women want a person that will accept them for everything they are. We want that guy who likes all of us – who sees that there are flaws but doesn’t say anything because he sees the “big picture beauty” as I like to call it. We all want that guy who is intoxicated by your beauty and smarts and smile. The guy whose eyes still light up when you come to bed, even though you didn’t have a chance to shave your legs, and your stomach has gotten a little flabby over the years. We want the guy that says “I love you” every morning, and even though you reply “I love you too”, still stops you, puts his hands on your shoulders, looks you in the eyes, and says “No, I really love you”. We want that guy. We deserve that guy – the guy who respects our hearts and minds and character first, and recognizes that our bodies are one part of our beauty.
Even though I’ve dated an amazing man for so many years, I still get nervous around him. I still feel a little insecure – when he puts his arms around my waist, I instinctively suck in my stomach. When he keeps glancing at my lips, just before making a move to kiss me, I wonder if he is noticing that I missed threading a couple of hairs off my upper lip.
Like all women – like all humans – I’m not perfect – not physically, not personally. I get unnecessarily worried over small things, and sometimes I get really mean when I am trying to hammer home a point. When I am around people and feeling nervous, I make really inappropriate jokes.
I couldn’t pinpoint the exact ingredients to a “healthy, normal relationship” but I can say from dating someone for many years, that one of the many reasons my relationship works is because he gives me confidence. He never makes me feel bad for not living up to the ever-so-high standards of beauty that society puts on me, and in exchange, I always make an effort to look my best, and impress him. When I am feeling insecure, he soothes me rather than exploiting those feelings for his personal gain. He makes me proud of who I am, and never says things that makes me feel I’m not good enough, or smart enough, or skinny enough or hot enough, or talented enough, or charming enough.
He makes me feel like I am enough. He makes me feel like who I am, in my entirety, is just right for him, and I don’t need to change at all for him to consider me “good enough”.
We’ve been together for almost 8 years, and have weathered a lot of storms, but I always get butterflies before we meet. I always want him to see me at my best, and I appreciate when he loves me the same way at my worst. I don’t know what makes a perfect relationship, but as long as I am enough for him, that’s good enough for me.
A different kind of woman…
We youth know the internet as a big place, where a lot of people feel okay about tormenting and hurting others behind the protection of the sterile glare of their computer screens.
But Balpreet Kaur, a neuroscience major and baptized Sikh woman, is showing us all, through courage and eloquence, that educating others can be the antidote to ignorance, hate, and unkindness.
Check it out:
A young Sikh woman — whose photo was taken at an airport, posted online, and then ridiculed by hundreds — is being hailed across the web today after defending herself so eloquently that her original tormenter felt compelled to apologize to all Sikhs everywhere.
Please see the full CBC news article, written by Lauren O’Neil, here: http://www.cbc.ca/news/yourcommunity/2012/09/bearded-sikh-woman-teaches-reddit-a-lesson.html
My Declaration of Self Esteem
By Virginia Satir
I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do.
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay. — from Self Esteem
It’s about time we stop mooching of Surviving Studenthood for posts 🙂 Now that we are up and running, we’ve got some our own great posts to share.
I’ve got a big date tomorrow night, and I am going into it with the intent to get some action (yes, women do that – often!). Of course, common ‘action’-date courtesy means shaving. You can already tell how some of us feel about shaving from our post on Surviving Studenthood, but most of the time, we bear and grin it, because – well, because we want some action, and we like smooth legs too 🙂
I would, however, like some clarification about shaving my legs, because it seems to me like every time I bring the razor to the bathtub, the Mission Impossible song is suddenly about to play. I never realize how flexible until I am trying to shave my legs – and then every conceivable position from a yoga move to a sex move is attempted in a wet, slippery shower in order to catch all those tiny hairs. Sounds dangerous ;).
This blog, which is all about womanhood, will – bit by bit – give away all the secrets guys need to know about meeting women, dating them, and surviving them. Each post may apply to all women or just some women, but either way, its an opportunity for woman to connect and guys to get some insight.
Surviving Studenthood’s post starts us off with a little secret-sharing … check it out!