“Do you know what a woman is most afraid of in the world? It’s that she is not gonna find that one person who accepts her for everything that she is, and that, when she finally starts to let him in, he’s just going to leave.” – Kate to Ben, in Ben and Kate Season 1, Episode 1.

All women want a person that will accept them for everything they are. We want that guy who likes all of us – who sees that there are flaws but doesn’t say anything because he sees the “big picture beauty” as I like to call it. We all want that guy who is intoxicated by your beauty and smarts and smile. The guy whose eyes still light up when you come to bed, even though you didn’t have a chance to shave your legs, and your stomach has gotten a little flabby over the years. We want the guy that says “I love you” every morning, and even though you reply “I love you too”, still stops you, puts his hands on your shoulders, looks you in the eyes, and says “No, I really love you”. We want that guy. We deserve that guy – the guy who respects our hearts and minds and character first, and recognizes that our bodies are one part of our beauty.

Even though I’ve dated an amazing man for so many years, I still get nervous around him. I still feel a little insecure – when he puts his arms around my waist, I instinctively suck in my stomach. When he keeps glancing at my lips, just before making a move to kiss me, I wonder if he is noticing that I missed threading a couple of hairs off my upper lip.

Like all women – like all humans – I’m not perfect – not physically, not personally. I get unnecessarily worried over small things, and sometimes I get really mean when I am trying to hammer home a point. When I am around people and feeling nervous, I make really inappropriate jokes.

I couldn’t pinpoint the exact ingredients to a “healthy, normal relationship” but I can say from dating someone for many years, that one of the many reasons my relationship works is because he gives me confidence. He never makes me feel bad for not living up to the ever-so-high standards of beauty that society puts on me, and in exchange, I always make an effort to look my best, and impress him. When I am feeling insecure, he soothes me rather than exploiting those feelings for his personal gain. He makes me proud of who I am, and never says things that makes me feel I’m not good enough, or smart enough, or skinny enough or hot enough, or talented enough, or charming enough.

He makes me feel like I am enough. He makes me feel like who I am, in my entirety, is just right for him, and I don’t need to change at all for him to consider me “good enough”.

We’ve been together for almost 8 years, and have weathered a lot of storms, but I always get butterflies before we meet. I always want him to see me at my best, and I appreciate when he loves me the same way at my worst. I don’t know what makes a perfect relationship, but as long as I am enough for him, that’s good enough for me.

 

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