A Blog on Surviving Womanhood

Monthly Archives: July 2011

Hi Wonders of Womanhood!

First off, love your blog!

Thanks!

I need your advice. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year, but we hit a bump and I don’t know if I want to be in the relationship anymore – its boring. I’m trying to figure out if this is normal or not, and what my relationship might be like a year or more from now if I stayed. Don’t get me wrong, I really like him. Its just…I don’t want to be bored in a relationship, but I don’t want to lose him if this ‘slump’ is just temporary.

I want to ask my friends what their experiences are like, but no one that I feel comfortable talking with who is my age (19) has been in a long-term relationship. I know you guys will tell me every relationship is different, and I get that. I have to decide for myself. But…I just want to know how people in long term relationships feel. Does the spark go away? Do you get boringly comfortable in the relationship? Like, you know – the “old married couple” thing…Can you guys gives me some ideas about what I can expect in the future? What do people in long term relationships experience?

Thanks!

– Alaina

Hey Alaina,

Great question!

Your question comes right after a funny How I Met Your Mother episode, where we see a comparison between the relationship between Zoey and Ted (a challenging, passionate relationship), and Lily and Marshall (a comfortable, the “perfect” relationship).

An important message from that episode is – just because someone has a different relationship than the “ideal” perfect couple, it doesn’t mean thats a worse couple, by any means (although mutual support in a relationship is always better than constant battles).

I think “the fizzing out” is a problem a lot of people worry about. You’re right – the first thing we will tell you is every relationship is different and no universal piece of advice applies to all relationships. Age, ethnicity, personal interests, education, childhood upbringing, location and just about everything else can affect how your relationship works. There is no way we could tell you what your relationship would be like in a week, or a year or even five years down the road, and there is no way we could even tell you what an ideal long-term relationship would be. In other words, we don’t have a crystal ball.

But, in spite of this, I still think we can help you. We roped in a member of our team (who has been in a long-term relationship) into an interview. Hopefully, the answers to her questions will give you insight into the experience of someone who has been dating for several years. She is only a couple of years older than you, so you might be able to better identify with her perspective (in comparison to maybe someone ten years older than you). Maybe her experience will match yours, or at least give you insight.

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