I’ve been dating a girl for about 6 months now, really like her. She invited me to meet her friends next week. Any tips? Wanna make a good impression.
Meeting her friends for the first time can be daunting. You know that what her friends think will impact her impression of you, but we’d like to say right off the bat that if she really likes you, she’ll take their impressions with a grain of salt. Either way, I’m sure making the best impression can only be helpful rather than harmful. So, we’ve come up with some tips, and we open the floor to our readers to cover anything we might miss.
We hate to say it, but the first impression is a lasting one! As soon as you walk in the door, her friends will be sizing you up – what you are wearing, how you act, how you look etc.
- Confidence: The most important thing is you are confident about who you are. Women find confidence attractive – it’s about being comfortable in your own skin and letting other people know subtly that you are okay with who you are.
- Dress to impress: What you wear will stand out in both her mind and her friends’. Put a little thought into what you wear, make sure you look good and that you’ve dressed appropriately for the occasion. If you’re not sure how to proceed, ask her for suggestions, but just never show up in your cutoff jeans and sandals hoping for the best. And, if you know that you have a pair of jeans she doesn’t like, or a sweater that she thinks doesn’t fit well, be a doll and don’t wear it. We’re not saying you should change your style completely or ever wear something that you feel is not reflective of you (or makes you uncomfortable), but do remember you are coming to impress her friends, not yours.
- Grooming: Trim the beard, fix the line up, or shave your face, but don’t meet her friends with a forest growing up your face.
What guys don’t often realize is that women make subconscious judgments based on what they see, and it will impact their impression of you. A guy who wears clothes that fit well, are clean, and well-coordinated are subtle cues which indicate a person who is attentive and cares about the details – traits many women find attractive. On the other hand, someone who hasn’t shaved in months gives off a vibe of laziness. Putting thought into your appearance not only shows her that you care, but shows her friends that you put effort into meeting her. In the end, she is showing you off; and while it can be daunting to put on display in front of her friends, you should remember: she wouldn’t be doing so if she didn’t think you could hold up.
Conversation & Humour
Conversation is a bit like thin ice during the first meeting – you should tread carefully, or you might fall into a freezing pond. You might not know how she behaves around her friends, what they talk about, or what kind of humour they engage in, so you should pay close attention to the first few minutes of conversation and get a sense of what is considered appropriate. Always tread carefully; saying something stupid, obnoxious or ill-placed will make sure her friends remember you – but not in a good way.
- Check the Scene: Sitting in a pub with her friends is so different from attending a work event. The environment should give you better clues about what kind of conversation and humour is appropriate.
- Keep to safe topics: Along with keeping in mind the setting, it is best to stick to safe conversation topics that won’t get anyone too riled up with opinions. World news (although maybe not politics) or local events, travel, work/school, music, art, sports – and even the clichéd weather – are all safe topics. Find a common ground with her friends by discussing topics in which all of you may have something to contribute. And please, no complaining; they don’t want to hear about your terrible work stress or why you don’t like your boss. They are meeting to have a good time, and you don’t want to be a downer.
- Ask Questions: The #1 conversation tip for anyone who is talking to people for the first time. Lets face it: people like to talk about themselves, but dislike listening to rambling stories (especially about others). Asking question makes her friends feel like you care about them, and that you are taking an interesting because you want to be a more permanent part of her life. Asking open-ended questions like “what do you study?” or “tell me about your job” encourage conversation, and will give you points of common ground to bond over.
- Don’t Dirty Joke: Maybe once you’ve become comfortable with her group of friend and you are sure that humour appeals to them, a few harmless dirty jokes won’t hurt. But be extra careful when you spew out the filth; it can make a terrible impression even if it was meant to lighten the mood.
- Hold Your Drink: NEVER drink more than you can handle – don’t even get close to that situation. Its much more attractive for a guy to refrain from alcohol then find himself hurling it out all over his girlfriend’s new blouse 2 hours later. But besides that obvious point, be careful getting tipsy. A lot of guys get quite a bit louder and more handsy without realizing it, but it can put a damper on the mood if you are out of control. Often people make sure they don’t get drink but aren’t aware of how even a couple of drinks change their behaviour.
Public Displays of Affection (PDAs) & Flirting
PDAs can be a touchy point when you are meeting her single friends. A lot of people aren’t comfortable with watching their friends snog each others faces off, but maybe showing her some love is important to you. If you aren’t comfortable talking to her about what etiquette is appropriate, we recommend you still adhere to some suggested guidelines.
- Follow her cues: It’s important to see what level of physical affection comfortable with, so following her cues may help you figure out what to do. For example, if she gets up to hug you when you walk in but doesn’t kiss you, it helps gives you some idea about where her boundaries fall. In the end, you don’t want to alienate her friends by making them realize what they are missing 🙂
- Take Cues from the Group: I find that when I am in a group with all (not some but all) couples, behaviour like quick kissing, holding hands, putting your arm around her shoulder etc. are considered much more acceptable, and often on display more. If there is even one single person or someone present without a partner, you may not want to engage is couple-ish behaviour which could make the person feel left out. Seeing how the group behaves is also a good indicator.
Which expression will you get?
- Never Flirt with her friends. Ever.: Flirting with her friends is a big no-no, even if it is just a joke. It may seem like a bonding technique, but it alienates the girl you like, and shows her that you are not respectful of her feelings or your relationship with her. You can smile politely if one of her friends flirts with you, but that’s it. Keep it simple; you are meeting her friends because she wants you to be a part of her life and because you are hoping she lets you stick around. Flirt with her friends (and make her feel insecure), and you sure as hell won’t be introduced to any more people. It’s an innate trust thing – you should only have eyes for her, and both you and her friends should be very clear on that.
- Say it, Don’t Spray it: A little flirting with her, on the other hand can’t hurt! Complimenting her on her appearance (clothes, hair, etc.) can demonstrate that you are affectionate towards her, without making anyone uncomfortable. A simple “hey, you look really beautiful” puts in just the right “awww” moment which is sure to get her friends saying warm things about you afterwards.
And last, but certainly not least, have a good time! It may seem like a very big step in a relationship the first time you meet her friends, but there will be plenty of other opportunities, and I am sure she would understand even if it doesn’t go too well the first time. Don’t get stressed out!
We also want to remind you that many of these tips apply even after the first meeting – every time you meet her friends, come well-dressed and well-groomed, and be friendly without being flirty. As you get to know them better, you may be able to engage in more liberal humour or more controversial topics, but in the end, you should remember that every time you meet her, you should be putting your best foot forward.
And, readers, the floor is open to you for any other ideas we may have missed. Leave us a comment!
– The Wonders of Womanhood