I’m a huge Grey’s Anatomy fan. It’s a show that makes me feel – and in this age of information overload from media, books, the radio, television, movies, the newspaper – even Twitter, I am hard-pressed to find something that really makes me feel, right to my core.
Season 7 Episode 3 was, like many other Grey’s episodes heart-wrenching, and moving and wonderful. But, a little nagging feeling unexpectedly surfaced from a topic of discussion during the episode. One character was … “outed” as still being a virgin at the age of 26 (or mid-twenties)- a topic she seemed to be ashamed of ; Certainly, the other characters found it okay to tease her into being ashamed.
I know very little about love and life and sex, and I don’t know much about being a virgin, besides the fact that I am one. Whatever I have thought about my ‘state of virginity’ may not be the same of what others feel about having never had sex before, but I was certainly never ashamed it, and it didn’t really occur to me what it was something to be self-conscious about until I watched the episode.
The reasons people have for deciding not to have sex may vary – whether it is because they are waiting for the one person who will really value them, or it is for religious reasons, or it is because they just don’t want to get pregnant. In the end, though, choosing not to have sex – or choosing to have sex – should be just that; a choice. It really is about making a decision for a certain step in your life, with the understanding that consequences can stem from that decision and the maturity to handle those consequences.
Some people feel that sex is crucial to a relationship – but having dated for two years, and talked to other girls about their relationship experiences has shown me that this just isn’t the case. Whether you want a kosher relationship, or you just don’t want to go all the way, your relationship can still be filled with intimacy – emotional, physical, or otherwise – without having sex. The last person who should be pushing you into sex is your partner…and if they are, you may want to reconsider your relationship with them. If they are willing to push you into sex now, I can’t imagine what they will try to push you into later.
Others tell me that sex might be a logical progression in a relationship – which makes me picture a relationship to be some sort of amorphous, reincarnating thing that reaches certain levels of attainment. Even if sex is ‘the next step’, why do you have to go to that step right away? I’ve spent two years in a wonderful, loving, and physically exciting relationship without feeling the need to engage in sexual activity.
I should clarify, I am not discouraging or judging any individual about their decision to have sex. I don’t understand the fascination of “getting laid” or boasting about sex, but it doesn’t mean I believe every person ought to sit tight until a magic fairy passes around sex-propaganda. I guess, what I am trying to say is, it never really occurred to me that being a virgin was something to be ashamed of, and now I am curious about whether other women ever feel that pressure.
Is your decision to have sex or not to have sex something that you feel others would judge you on? Do people make judgments about someone’s sexual activity? Have you ever felt ashamed of being a virgin?
The Wonders of Womanhood.