We would like to tell you – a bad-smelling period is a very normal concern. There is nothing wrong with you. Periods are the discharge of blood, uterine lining and fluids; it’s not a pretty combination and you shouldn’t feel insecure if you notice Aunt Flo is…talking softly but wearing a loud shirt!

So, how can you combat this concern, and make sure Aunt Flow stays in your pants?

1. Try Using a Tampon: The smell from your period becomes magnified when the discharge being exposed to the air. A tampon stops from the discharge from being exposed to the air and may reduce the smell. Be sure, however, that the tampon is the right size. A tampon that isn’t thick enough will leak. One that is too thick may cause TSS.

2. Try Always Feminine Wipes with Pads: Maybe you are not comfortable using tampons? No problem! There are solutions even when you use a pad. I got a bunch of Always pads, and they had a little green pouch attached to each pad. Each pouch contained a wet wipe that smelled fresh and clean. They serve as a really wonderful way clean up “the area” once you put a fresh pad on.

3. Try Lightly Scented Products: Some women suggest lightly scented panty-liners or pads. There doesn’t see to be any real benefit of scented tampons because the discharge isn’t exposed to the air. Lightly scented products sound great in theory – but if your body has a reaction to them, be sure to discontinue the products immediately. Do NOT spray perfume etc. on your vagina – this can cause serious irritation. Keep products used in that area – like soaps – unscented in order to reduce irritation.

4. Trim the Hair: Ladies, hate to be graphic, but keep the pubic hair short! Like a beard, the hair can catch all types of odd bits and ends…and can harbour the smell. Get rid of the hair, if you can!

5. Don’t skimp on showers: Cleanliness is an important part maintaining hygiene  It seems like an obvious one, but a lot of girls get lazy during their period and forget about that. Shower daily – if not twice a day.

6. Change your pad often: For safety and smell reasons, be sure to change your pad often.

7. See a doctor: If the smell is really bad and consistent, it might be the sign of a vaginal infection. Go to your doctor and get tested if necessary.

Every vagina has a unique smell, and that applies even during menstruation. Don’t feel insecure! It’s all part of the Wonders of Womanhood.

~ The Wonders of Womanhood

I’ve been dating a girl for about 6 months now, really like her. She invited me to meet her friends next week. Any tips? Wanna make a good impression.

- Chad

Meeting her friends for the first time can be daunting. You know that what her friends think will impact her impression of you, but we’d like to say right off the bat that if she really likes you, she’ll take their impressions with a grain of salt. Either way, I’m sure making the best impression can only be helpful rather than harmful. So, we’ve come up with some tips, and we open the floor to our readers to cover anything we might miss.

Appearance

We hate to say it, but the first impression is a lasting one! As soon as you walk in the door, her friends will be sizing you up – what you are wearing, how you act, how you look etc.

• Confidence: The most important thing is you are confident about who you are. Women find confidence attractive – it’s about being comfortable in your own skin and letting other people know subtly that you are okay with who you are.

• Dress to impress: What you wear will stand out in both her mind and her friends’. Put a little thought into what you wear, make sure you look good and that you’ve dressed appropriately for the occasion. If you’re not sure how to proceed, ask her for suggestions, but just never show up in your cutoff jeans and sandals hoping for the best. And, if you know that you have a pair of jeans she doesn’t like, or a sweater that she thinks doesn’t fit well, be a doll and don’t wear it. We’re not saying you should change your style completely or ever wear something that you feel is not reflective of you (or makes you uncomfortable), but do remember you are coming to impress her friends, not yours.

• Grooming: Trim the beard, fix the line up, or shave your face, but don’t meet her friends with a forest growing up your face.

What guys don’t often realize is that women make subconscious judgments based on what they see, and it will impact their impression of you. A guy who wears clothes that fit well, are clean, and well-coordinated are subtle cues which indicate a person who is attentive and cares about the details – traits many women find attractive. On the other hand, someone who hasn’t shaved in months gives off a vibe of laziness. Putting thought into your appearance not only shows her that you care, but shows her friends that you put effort into meeting her. In the end, she is showing you off; and while it can be daunting to put on display in front of her friends, you should remember: she wouldn’t be doing so if she didn’t think you could hold up.

Conversation & Humour

Conversation is a bit like thin ice during the first meeting – you should tread carefully, or you might fall into a freezing pond. You might not know how she behaves around her friends, what they talk about, or what kind of humour they engage in, so you should pay close attention to the first few minutes of conversation and get a sense of what is considered appropriate. Always tread carefully; saying something stupid, obnoxious or ill-placed will make sure her friends remember you – but not in a good way.

• Check the Scene: Sitting in a pub with her friends is so different from attending a work event. The environment should give you better clues about what kind of conversation and humour is appropriate.

• Keep to safe topics: Along with keeping in mind the setting, it is best to stick to safe conversation topics that won’t get anyone too riled up with opinions. World news (although maybe not politics) or local events, travel, work/school, music, art, sports – and even the clichéd weather – are all safe topics. Find a common ground with her friends by discussing topics in which all of you may have something to contribute. And please, no complaining; they don’t want to hear about your terrible work stress or why you don’t like your boss. They are meeting to have a good time, and you don’t want to be a downer.

• Ask Questions: The #1 conversation tip for anyone who is talking to people for the first time. Lets face it: people like to talk about themselves, but dislike listening to rambling stories (especially about others). Asking question makes her friends feel like you care about them, and that you are taking an interesting because you want to be a more permanent part of her life. Asking open-ended questions like “what do you study?” or “tell me about your job” encourage conversation, and will give you points of common ground to bond over.

• Don’t Dirty Joke: Maybe once you’ve become comfortable with her group of friend and you are sure that humour appeals to them, a few harmless dirty jokes won’t hurt. But be extra careful when you spew out the filth; it can make a terrible impression even if it was meant to lighten the mood.

• Hold Your Drink: NEVER drink more than you can handle – don’t even get close to that situation. Its much more attractive for a guy to refrain from alcohol then find himself hurling it out all over his girlfriend’s new blouse 2 hours later. But besides that obvious point, be careful getting tipsy. A lot of guys get quite a bit louder and more handsy without realizing it, but it can put a damper on the mood if you are out of control. Often people make sure they don’t get drink but aren’t aware of how even a couple of drinks change their behaviour.

Public Displays of Affection (PDAs) & Flirting

PDAs can be a touchy point when you are meeting her single friends. A lot of people aren’t comfortable with watching their friends snog each others faces off, but maybe showing her some love is important to you. If you aren’t comfortable talking to her about what etiquette is appropriate, we recommend you still adhere to some suggested guidelines.

• Follow her cues: It’s important to see what level of physical affection comfortable with, so following her cues may help you figure out what to do.  For example, if she gets up to hug you when you walk in but doesn’t kiss you, it helps gives you some idea about where her boundaries fall. In the end, you don’t want to alienate her friends by making them realize what they are missing

• Take Cues from the Group: I find that when I am in a group with all (not some but all) couples, behaviour like quick kissing, holding hands, putting your arm around her shoulder etc. are considered much more acceptable, and often on display more. If there is even one single person or someone present without a partner, you may not want to engage is couple-ish behaviour which could make the person feel left out. Seeing how the group behaves is also a good indicator.

Which expression will you get?

• Never Flirt with her friends. Ever.: Flirting with her friends is a big no-no, even if it is just a joke. It may seem like a bonding technique, but it alienates the girl you like, and shows her that you are not respectful of her feelings or your relationship with her. You can smile politely if one of her friends flirts with you, but that’s it. Keep it simple; you are meeting her friends because she wants you to be a part of her life and because you are hoping she lets you stick around. Flirt with her friends (and make her feel insecure), and you sure as hell won’t be introduced to any more people. It’s an innate trust thing – you should only have eyes for her, and both you and her friends should be very clear on that.

• Say it, Don’t Spray it: A little flirting with her, on the other hand can’t hurt! Complimenting her on her appearance (clothes, hair, etc.) can demonstrate that you are affectionate towards her, without making anyone uncomfortable. A simple “hey, you look really beautiful” puts in just the right “awww” moment which is sure to get her friends saying warm things about you afterwards.

And last, but certainly not least, have a good time! It may seem like a very big step in a relationship the first time you meet her friends, but there will be plenty of other opportunities, and I am sure she would understand even if it doesn’t go too well the first time. Don’t get stressed out!

We also want to remind you that many of these tips apply even after the first meeting – every time you meet her friends, come well-dressed and well-groomed, and be friendly without being flirty. As you get to know them better, you may be able to engage in more liberal humour or more controversial topics, but in the end, you should remember that every time you meet her, you should be putting your best foot forward.

Good luck!

And, readers, the floor is open to you for any other ideas we may have missed. Leave us a comment!

- The Wonders of Womanhood

(This post was written in conjunction with The Wonders of Womanhood writers. Many thanks for your words of wisdom, ideas, thoughts….and just the right amount of feminine touch.) I don't know what it is, dear readers, but I have a terrible feeling settling in my soul. Partly, it's because of the upcoming "U of T Hell Week" that sinks its teeth into us next week – I think the amount of assignments, exams and papers I have due next week is worse t … Read More

via Surviving Studenthood

Regardless of your perspective, Valentine’s Day can serve as a wonderful opportunity for renewal; renewal of love, of course, but also of friendship.

My first memory of Valentine’s day was sitting in my kitchen the night-before (yes, I called it Valentine’s Eve) and writing a Valentine’s Day card for every student in my class so I could hand them out the next day. Being part of this annual ritual brought me up with the understanding that Valentine’s Day was about friendship and reminding those around you that their friendship was valued. In fact, for many, many years of my life, dating and love had nothing to do with my Valentine’s Day experience.

So rather than holing up on this red, pink and white holiday and bemoaning your single-status, here is a chance for you to re-evaluate and re-strengthen your friendships.

It’s about the people you let into your life – your family, your co-workers, lost loves and those who have left us. It’s about the shared experiences, the people who are alongside you when you are dreaming – who come into your life and leave an imprint in your heart that aches with joy long after they are gone.

How many friends do you have that you would call if you were in trouble? How many friends do you have that you could really count on, that remember things that are important to you, and never fail to show that they are thinking of you?

For me, real friendship is the kind that develops when two people click in a way that is, well, magical! It’s when silences are no longer awkward, when you know what the other person is thinking before they have even finished saying something, when they rejoice in all of your strengths and all of your flaws, when you never have to hold back who you are, because they love everything about you anyways.

Maybe I’m getting a little sentimental about friendship after watching seasons 4-8 of Scrubs, and watching Turk and J.D. sing about their love (yes, that’s right, they are singing about their love). And while they both seem incredible dorky, at least they have the guts to be real friends.

When I watch that video I always end up thinking about what defines true friendship. How many friends do you have, that you see in your life 5, 10, 20 or even 50 years from now? Have you ever thought about what your life would be like without them? When was the last time you thanked your friends for sticking by you? When was the last time you told them you loved them (or showed them if you aren’t comfortable with saying it)?

Every friendship is different, and how you rejoice in it is personal – but Monday February 14th, 2011, is an opportunity to remind friends that your appreciate them, to connect better with loved ones, to find a time that day/week to spend some quality time together and to remind yourself how blessed you are.

In an Ally McBeal episode, two friends – a powerful, rich CEO and a janitor ended up going to court. The CEO had a bad heart condition and he was going to die within a few months. His good friend, the janitor, wanted the courts to allow him to undergo a surgery where they could trade hearts – he wanted to give his friend a longer life. He wasn’t offered money – he was doing it for friendship. I won’t spoil the episode for you (it’s called “Alone Again”, and its a season finale), but Ally makes a wonderful comment about friendship: imagine not only what kind of man you have to be to give up your own heart (courageous, brave and loving), but imagine what kind of man you have to be for someone to want to give up their heart for you. You can truly judge the character of a person by their friends.

Valentine’s Day, to me, is about honouring those people who have symbolically given up their hearts for you, and would give you their heart physically in an instant. Its about those people who you love – who make your life better and brighter, even if in just a small way. It means cherishing those you love – parents, friends, significant others, etc. You don’t have to be dating or in love to recognize that in this numbing world, any day that encourages you to feel and share the blessings you have in your life is a day worth celebrating.

Happy Valentine’s Day,

~ The Wonders of Womanhood Team

I think that’s why part of my identity comes from recognizing that I am a fighter; I have been, my whole life: its something I’m proud of, and its something I hope others to recognize in me. I’ll confess I wear my heart on my sleeve; I can be a little insecure, I’m loyal to the point of annoying and I’m meticulous to the brink of insanity.

But with all my flaws, I am a fighter – and I fight when its personal but also when it’s based on principle, even though that can be so much more work. It’s the reason I say I can sometimes be a bitch and, more importantly, it’s the reason I say I am often proud to be one.

Whenever I describe myself in such a way, my friends looks at me, rather shocked, and say “come on, you’re not a bitch!” While I appreciate the sentiment, I think they don’t understand what I mean – I’m taking the word bitch out of its societal derogatory concept, and I am redefining it – because there is more than one way of defining it. I want to introduce a new philosophy to you – know as Bitchology – which I am proud to subscribe to:

Empowerment for women is so important – and that women need to be empowered doesn’t make you a feminist (although being a feminist can be a wonderful thing); it’s about recognizing that strength doesn’t need to be considered an unattractive quality and choosing to cast of the societal perceptions of “femininity”. I think women should rejoice in their own flame of courage, and be proud that others recognize that you are someone who can speak their mind, thoughts and ideas without being afraid that it will be “un-lady like”. If that makes you a bitch, then so be it!

Sometimes, I think, women forget how far we have come in the last few decades, and how it is the responsibility of new generations of womankind to forge ahead what those so valiantly in the past of done. It reminds me of that song from Mary Poppins “Sister Suffragettes” – based on a term coined to derogatorily label the UK women’s movement that wanted equal voting rights for women, and the women reclaimed it as something worth being proud of (kind of like the way I am trying to reclaim the word bitch as being something worth embracing). While the video was made in 1964, it denotes struggles from the early 20th century. Look at how hard we have progressed, and how hard women worked long ago so we could have the rights we have now – like voting; the rights we now take for granted.

Haha, I love when she says “Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they’re rather stupid…” HAHA! (Not that I necessarily agree, but it makes me laugh!). When I watch the video, I remember how hard someone worked for me to get the chance to vote; how someone was a “soldier in a petticoat” for me so that today I can wear pants to work; how someone decided that being a woman can embrace more than being in the home; how someone fought so I can now choose to be a doctor, or lawyer, or firefighter or anything else I want to be; how someone decided that women were just as good as men, and “cast off the shackles” of yesterday’s thinking to forge a new tomorrow.

Today,women have the responsibility to maintain that progression – to be bigger and better than societal perceptions and to not let that momentum of a century become stagnant.

If that means you are a bitch, so what? Fight the power, ladies.

- The Wonders of Womanhood

Dear Guy,

Here I am again – stuck in the same position that guys like you leave me in every time. I start off really liking you and after a lot of muster of guts, I asked you out – or maybe you pursued me first – but either way, I get hooked. You make me think you could really like me – and I’m not one to push it! – but I started to notice, and like, the little things you do. Maybe its the way you say my name, or how you smile when you are feeling shy, or when you take the time to ask me about me, and share details about you.

Then I start to like kissing you – the way your hand moves slowly down my back, and the way your lips feel – and I like holding your hand and going places and seeing the world. It feels different when you are there, and I can’t put my finger on it except that I get butterflies in my stomach. Suddenly you feel familiar to me, like you belong in my life. You fit perfectly like a piece in a jig-saw puzzle, and now I am not scared of the unknown anymore because exploring the unknown is how I met you. I don’t know what to call how I feel, but I know it feels good.

I do feel like introducing you to my friends, and maybe meeting yours when your ready. But I’m not pushing it – I respect that you need your space, and that this is still new to you even after several months. I’m not sure when you would be ready, but I am too afraid to ask. You might think I am desperate or needy when really its just that I am excited because I know I have a good thing. It might take you longer to get there, to realize you might really like me back, but for me its easy – I know it implicitly, and I don’t know how to say it except to find ways to see if you feel the same way.

After a while I start getting a nervous – we don’t seem to be progressing but I keep getting mixed messages. You like making out but you keep wanting to push it a little farther than I feel ready for (which makes me feel bad); or, you want to meet to make out but not for anything else; or the relationship is going so slowly I’m not even sure I am in one at all. And its not that I need you to commit to me, its not that I need you to say “I’m your boyfriend and you are my girlfriend” – but I can’t seem to figure out if you will ever want to say that at all.

And then I start doubting myself – maybe there is something about me thats holding you back, or that you move faster in the physical area than I do and that will be a deal breaker, or that you realize I’m convenient for you and you don’t want to put in effort. I start talking to my friends; under the guise of helpfulness they unintentionally confuse me more; they make me trace back what I did or said, as though it was one magic phrase that tipped off this imbalance that I am feeling. They pick my vice, my habit, my something that must have made you not like me enough to put in the effort.

So now I start getting nervous. When we are together, I start checking my own behaviour, trying to see if you react to something I do. And of course, my nervousness makes you nervous and you start getting uncomfortable because you feel under surveillance and that makes you jumpy, when really I’m just trying to figure out what it is about me thats holding you back because I am finally unafraid, but I don’t understand how you – confident, sexy you – could still be afraid.

Then you stop calling, and that just confuses me further. I don’t understand what I did but I have too much pride to ask – I realize you might think I sound “needy” just wanting you, but thats not it at all: unlike you, I remember the beginning when it was easy-breezy. I remember the part where I said something silly and you laughed and said it was cute, or when we discovered we both love hockey and lost our voices screaming in excitement at the Calgary Flames game. I remember the time you brought me soup when I was sick, or the first time we went to that coffee place near your apartment. I remember those times, and I don’t understand why you don’t which puts me in a spiral of self-misunderstanding.

Suddenly, one day, I realize that I am not at fault. Maybe my friends reminded me how amazing I am, maybe I woke up one day and got tired of waiting. I’m not at fault: I wanted the beginning of the relationship back, but I wanted more than that. And maybe I wanted more too fast, but you never told me and I didn’t know. And suddenly I start to realize that it isn’t me; maybe I made mistakes but you never told me – maybe because you were shy, but maybe just maybe, it was because you didn’t  really care enough in the first place.

Of course, I can’t tell you any of this. I can’t get my questions answered. Instead I just at my computer online waiting for you to message me, or I sit at my phone and wait for you to call. It only gets worse when you see I’m online but you don’t message, or you see me at school and you look the other way.

I get stuck between wondering what I ever saw in you and a growing gnawing feeling which acknowledges that actually, I just don’t know how to pick ‘em – or worse, it really is me that throws you off. But after a while, I finally realize that while I can’t say any of this to you, I only wish I could say:

I’m sorry you missed the chance to love me.

Underneath what you would call my insecurities and unsexy need for something more than a fleeting fling, I am a beautiful, wonderful, smart, confident woman. I have may have insecurities, but I know I am talented and confident in other ways. Maybe I am good at public speaking or I’m a dynamite cook; perhaps I am really ambitious or I love sports. Maybe I am great at painting, or I play in a band, perhaps I can write really well or I do well academically. Maybe I will fit in perfectly with your guy friends, and your sister will really like me. Maybe I am all, some or none of these things. Maybe I am something else. But these are things you’ll never know because you missed the chance to love me.

I’m sorry that you missed the chance to love me.

Its not just that you missed out on having someone there when you need are having a bad day, someone to make you laugh when you are worried, or someone to stick by you. Its that you missed having me. Me – 1 in 6.5 billion – and you missed it because … well, you didn’t realize a good thing when it was smiling right in front of you. I guess you never realized what you had.

I’m sorry you missed the chance to love me.

In missing that chance, you missed something wonderful and beautiful in your life. You missed the chance to experience something light and flirty, or serious and meaningful. You missed the chance to be with me – to have loyalty, love and sunshine in your life.

I’m sorry you missed the chance to love me.

But, I am glad I loved you – it helped me realize I deserve someone good too. Someone who will hug me when I need it, someone who will be a shoulder to lean on, someone who will push me to better myself, someone who will always defend me. You helped me realize that I deserve someone who thinks I’m beautiful inside and out, who loves the way I laugh and talk and sing, someone who thinks everything second with me is the only place they would really want to be.

You helped me realize that someone out there, I’ll meet a person who won’t get scared when I move to fast, who will gently slow me down when he needs to but won’t bail when the going gets rough. You helped me see that I deserve the best possible person for me – that I shouldn’t waste my it my time on people who don’t rejoice in who I am, flaws and all.

You helped me realize that:

I’m just sorry you missed the chance to love me.

- The Wonders of Womanhood

The scenario was quite simple and rather commonplace  - I was forced to choose between two friends to be my partner for a big project, and due to both a lack of communication between the two partners and myself, as well as a lack of a concrete decision on my part, the decision came in late, and the person I didn’t pick was understandably upset. It took me a long time to make a decision because I had a lot of trouble deciding against her, but in the end, I make a decision on objective criteria that I felt was best for me.

Simply put, it was a business move.

The problem is, “it was a business move” doesn’t always fly – that is to say, there is a level of loyalty devoted to your friends and family that make it challenging to cast them aside for a logical career move. Unfortunately, here I was stuck rather angrily while both talented partners (and personal friends!) who said “you choose”. Choosing at all is never good, and of course, between two friends is even worse.

How can we tackle this?

Know the context and pick a philosophy: For me, I believe that business and pleasure can mix without any problem, as long as both parties know that no loyalties are owed, and that the business is conducted in a fair and honest manner. Making a business move doesn’t mean you get to “screw” the other person over, it just means that when the last remaining reason for holding out is “but she’s my friend”, then that’s no longer a good enough reason not to  make the move.

You can apply this logic to a number of different scenarios – from making a personal career decision to leave a firm in which you have a partnership although the co-partner is your best friend, to going after a guy your best friend broke-up with. In both cases, making a “business move” doesn’t mean you should go behind their back and see the guy, or break off the partnership unexpectedly, but that you talk openly about a decision or move, and decide whether this decision will take friendship into account, or not.

Some people put friendship as an ultimate deal-breaker, and will sacrifice other aspects of their to preserve their friendship. I think that really depends on the quality and strength of your friendship, and whether or not the two friends come together in a personal or business context. Context is important – maybe when you enter as co-partners in a firm, you recognize that each person will ultimately look out for their own business interests, but in a personal playing field like dating a guy, loyalties are owed. It’s really important to know the context and discuss the philosophy openly so no one is caught off-guard.

Don’t get stuck in the”you choose” corner: I made this mistake big time – both my friends politely said to me “you choose” and in doing so, I felt like they backed me into a corner, which made me very upset at both of them. Any attempts to reconcile this situation didn’t help and I felt cornered. When you get placed in the corner, any decision you make will be fateful – no matter who you choose, the other person will be upset at you, and only you – even though the person you select may have been active in helping you make your decision.

Being backed into a corner allows for blame to be put on you, which puts tension on the friendship. Even if the other person gets over your decision, you will still be upset because you recognize that the other person blamed you for something you didn’t deserve to be blamed for, especially when all parties decided before-hand that this was a business move.

Don’t use your decision as an escape route: In the end, take pride in your decision. Whether you made a decision personally or as a business move, it should be logical and fair. If you have kept to your principles, then take pride in your decision, and don’t shirk it or minimize it to appease the other person, regardless of what scenario you make a decision. If its choosing a partner, for example, as in my case – take pride in choosing the right person, and get your partner to take pride as well, so the left-over person realizes it was a joint decision rather than one-sided, and doesn’t place unnecessary blame on you. Don’t let your decision be a non-impactful one; that is, for example, don’t let the person you choose pretend to be a passive player so they don’t ruffle any feathers, don’t jump out of a business partnership quickly because your partner is pissed, and don’t be upset that you went after a guy when your girlfriend told you it would be fine, and then she changed her mind.

Take pride in the decision, and you can take pride in yourself.

Lastly, but most importantly, apologize if you make a mistake. Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, we hurt the ones we love. We don’t mean to, but when they get upset, it’s easier to just say sorry, even if you don’t agree with all of their complaints. In the end, they are getting the short end of the stick, and they deserve to know that you sincerely didn’t mean to hurt them, and you will give them space or do whatever else you need to, to remind them that they are an important part of your life – whether business or pleasure.

Anyone else struggling with mixing business and pleasure? How do you handle it?!

Looking forward to your comments!

The Wonders of Womanhood

Part of being in a long-term relationship means striving to keep the relationship interesting and fresh. I personally can attest that my relationship has become much better and much more interesting as the years go on, and your increasing comfort level with the other person allows for new experimentation in all aspects of the relationship.

And, in keeping with the spirit of doing something new, I decided to throw out a new idea to celebrate our six years of dating. Rather than the wonderful evening dinner we usually do (although, I must confess, anniversaries have varied from full-day dates to seeing each other at all!), I asked my boyfriend if we could exchange 6 gifts to commemorate six years of dating. Each person cannot spend more than $30 for the six gifts, in total (taxes included); a rule which is in place to encourage some home-made gifts. I must confess – in the beginning, some of this idea came from the selfish need of wanting presents but somehow, it resulted in a bigger and better reflection than I intended (more on that later).

Of course, my boyfriend was smart – rather than figuring out what six gifts to get me, he went to my best friend – who can deftly come up with a few ideas. Assuming he will never read this – as I am sure he wouldn’t be too pleased if he found out I knew he tried to tickle my “best-ie” for info – I must admit, it was a great idea. You have a better chance of figuring out what she wants by talking to her friend. Even though there is a chance that some – or all – of the surprise will be ruined (although you might be able to make sure the cat doesn’t get out of the bag), you will end up spending your money wisely and on something she will really like. It would really suck, for example, if you propose to a girl, and she doesn’t like the ring .

At first, I started generating all these ideas of potential gifts I would like – a case for my iPhone, a particular type of headphones, a specific bracelet to match a set of earrings I have, etc.,  but as I began emailing all these ideas to my friend so she could suggest them to my boyfriend (haha, yes women often do this), I realized I had completely missed the exact point of the exercise in the first place.

In the end, celebrating an anniversary has little to do with finding a gift a person would like, and more to do with a gift that has put thought into it. When I see his gift, I want to feel that he has thought about the last six years and all the magical moments that we have shared, and he has found 6 gifts that aim to capture or highlight some of those moments, or at least capture his feelings about me. And I hope to do the same for him: maybe he could use a new briefcase, but I don’t know if that really captures how I feel about him and how much I love him.

Suddenly, I realized my list itself was problematic – that an iPhone case, or headphones, or a bracelet are lovely gifts, but they are just that – gifts. And while gifts will be things the other person needs/wants, they don’t actually mean anything on their own, or even in the process of giving them to someone. The selection of gifts is just as important as the gift itself – and I’d choose a chocolate bar over a bracelet any day, if the chocolate bar is his way of expressing that he thinks I am sweet, rather than a bracelet which he gets and explains it by saying “I thought you would like it”. It’s a challenging distinction to make out, but the point of celebrating the last six years, in my opinion, involves celebrating the past and looking to the future, and the gifts should be reflective of that. I might like hundreds of gifts, but why you choose something is more important than what you choose.

I would rather have gifts that create memories for us, rather than things for me (which I consider distinctive in their celebratory nature (i.e. anniversaries are “us gifts” while birthdays are “me gifts”)) so that we can both use the gift, and celebrate together.

At the end of a rather emphatic post, I owe you at last a few gift ideas – which may help in distinguishing “me gifts” and “us gifts” as I like to call them.

• A List: 100 (or other number of) reasons why you love her
• A Home-Made Coupon Book: with all types of interesting deals (e.g. “A cuddle night” or “dinner on me”) – this is more of an “us gift” depending on what you put in  (e.g. kinky ideas) that can be enjoyed by both parties
• Lingerie: unless you are 100% sure of her sizes and her style choices, get her a gift card (also an “us gift”  - I assume you want to enjoy ripping your gift off her!)
• Jewelery: when in doubt, just get jewelery . You can stick to easy things like necklaces, pendants or earring which don’t require sizing (unlike bracelets and rings)
• A Book: maybe she likes to read, or has some personal interests/hobbies she would like to expand her knowledge on? Chapters/Indigo have wonderful sales and you can get books at ridiculous prices like $7!
• A Practical Gift: some, –  not all! – women like practical gifts – technology or technological accessories, etc.
• A Spa Day or Nails/Hair Coupon: definitely a “her gift”!
• A “You Day“: ask your girl what her ideal day would be, and then make it happen! You can adapt this to an “Us Day” for an anniversary, and plan out a day to spend together in typical, romantic, couple-y fashion.

Gifts to be careful about:

• Clothing: even if you know her sizes, the type of style or design could alter how a generic size fits – not to mention issues of whether she even likes that style at all…might not be worth the risk! (at least, save the gift receipt so she has options of exchanging your gift).
• Shoes: same problem as clothes: style, size, colour, design – the problems are endless! With clothes and shoes, buy something you are 100% sure she likes; as in, she pointed to a pair of boots and said “I wish I had those in size 7 and 1/2″.
• Practical Gifts: I know, they are also in the recommended section…I love practical gifts, but often, women don’t. Know your gal before you bring home Mr.Roboto. And don’t buy a practical gift on the pretense it’s for her if it is really for you (e.g. “Honey, look, I bought you this amazing video game console!”).
• A Night Out: also an iffy one, I know, as she may end up feeling short-changed. A night out is an “us gift”, not a “me gift” – often good for an anniversary, but not for a birthday because it doesn’t really celebrate her. There can always be exceptions, however! For example, my boyfriend took me to see a play and it was incredible – best gift I ever got (even though it cost him a fortune!). The idea is, don’t do something you normally do if you choose a night out.
• Perfume: any type of scented gift is tough – if you get her a smell she doesn’t like, it will just collect dust in her closet. Only get her perfume if you know a specific brand she loves.
• Make-up: Same problem as with perfume – there are so many brands of make-up, and so many colours, that you have a better chance with a gift-card in this area.
• Flowers: So they die, and they are kind of cliché … I don’t know about these ones. One year my boyfriend sent me these amazing roses and chocolates for Valentine’s Day, and I loved them! Once the roses started to die, I dried them and made them into pot-pourri! Flowers can work, but only if your girlfriend likes them. I know plenty of girls who don’t, and either way, I suggest you accompany them with another gift.

Girls and Guys, you are welcome to throw in your ideas and thoughts!

Hehe, I can’t wait to get my own gifts! (And, of course, to give him mine! )

The Wonders of Womanhood

“We/You don’t have to celebrate my birthday/anniversary”: Ah, see – 90% of guys would say to themselves “Great! No party planning for me!” and then, they are unpleasantly surprised when their girlfriend is angry. Guys always say to me “But she said NO party!”

Ah, wait, she didn’t! Let me decipher it for you: she said you don’t have to – which means she is hoping you want to. There is a key difference – she doesn’t want planning a party for her to be a burden. Instead, she is hoping you love her enough so that it is a joy rather than something you have to do.

Now, trust me – I get it – the whole burden and wanting thing is all very confusing and unnecessary….either she wants a birthday party or she doesn’t!

Let me make it very clear. If she says “look, I really don’t want a party, I want to spend a day in”, that’s one thing. But if she says “oh, you don’t have to” then I suggest you follow that with “I know I don’t have to, but I want to because I love you. I would really like for you to give me some ideas, so I can plan a wonderful party for you. What about this (suggest idea)?” By following up, you can get a better feel of if she is really disinterested, or she just wants a little more attention.

In the end, girls want to know you care!

“Nothing is wrong”: Okay, I admit this one is tough, especially when you can tell she is clearly mad. Guys get upset with this one – “If she is upset, why doesn’t she just say so?!” Well, there are a couple of viable reasons, any of which are important enough that you don’t want her stewing in anger.

1. She is mad at you, and she expects you to figure out why: If you know why she is mad, you’d better just apologize now, because I promise this won’t get any better. If you don’t know, don’t get defensive – say something along the lines of “If I have upset you, I am sorry – can we talk about it?” Being open allows for communication.

2. She is not mad at you:If she wants to talk about it, then ask her – and be willing to give her your time and patience. Maybe something else in her life is bothering her and you need to give her your time, or maybe a little space. Either way, “nothing is wrong” are still words that require action on your part.

“Nothing is wrong” is a clear block of communication. The mistake guys make is accepting that they don’t have to do anything. Why? It shows a lack of interest which is a problem because…

In the end, girls want to know you care!

“I don’t have anything to wear”: This is an easy one, but it perplexes men who stare at the piles of clothing on a woman’s bed while she bemoans her lack of clothing options.

Sometimes, women are challenged in choosing their own clothes and they look at you rather confusedly saying “I’ll try on two outfits, you tell me which one looks best”.

Let me tell you the secret: It doesn’t matter which outfit you suggest – its why you suggest it! She will always say “oh you said that without thinking” so, when you say choose the first/second outfit, say why you want to her to wear it, even if there isn’t a particular preference for one or the other. DON’T say you like them both, otherwise you will put her back at square one.

So many of my guy friends say “geez, what difference does it make what I think? She looks beautiful either way!” Wonder why she wants you to tell her your preference?

In the end, girls want to know you care! (You have to be seeing a pattern here)!

Haha! Anything else guys need deciphered? Let us know, and we will add a Part III!

The Wonders of Womanhood

* This blog post DOES NOT reflect the views of all women or men, and should not be responded to as representative of all individuals of a particular gender. The Wonders of Womanhood are not responsible for deciphering or responding to your partner, as each individual case is different, and results can vary.

The debate started when I read him a funny joke I had found on my iPod touch app. I’ve included it for you below.

MENS’ THESAURUS

1. “I’m going fishing.”

Means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

2. “It’s a guy thing.”

Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical”.

3. “Can I help with dinner?”

Means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

4. “Uh huh”, “Sure”, or “Yes Dear” …

Means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

5. “It would take too long to explain.”

Means: “I have no idea how it works.”

6. “I was listening to you, its just that I have things on my mind.”

Means: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”

7. “Take a break honey, you are working too hard.”

Means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

8. “Thats interesting, dear.”

Means: “Are you still talking?”

9.”You know how bad my memory is”
Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of The first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of ever car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

10. “I was just thinking about you and got these roses.

Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

11. “Oh don’t fuss – I just cut myself, it’s no big deal”

Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”

12. “Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I am doing.”

Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

13. “I can’t find it”.

Means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

14. “What did I do this time?”

Means: “What did you catch me at?”

15. “I heard you.”

Means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am Hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t Spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

16. “You know I could never love anyone else.”

Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

17. “You look terrific” .

Means: “Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”

18. “I’m not lost – I know exactly where we are”.

Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

19. “We share the housework”.

Means: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.

Of course, I found this joke hilarious,and in some ways, true. But of course, Mario barely cracked a grin . And from there developed an interesting debate about communication between the sexes, and a wonderful suggestion that women should write a thesaurus so men can get even a remote idea of what mean.

Stamped with approval from Wonders of Womanhood – check out our Part II!