My good friend Mario and I were in a rousing debate about deciphering ‘woman-talk’ as he calls it: the things women say, and how whether what they say actually corresponds to what they mean. He says women say things they don’t mean, and I say guys just don’t listen hard enough, and thus – like all good relationships – communication becomes the game field.
The debate started when I read him a funny joke I had found on my iPod touch app. I’ve included it for you below.
MENS’ THESAURUS
1. “I’m going fishing.”
Means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”
2. “It’s a guy thing.”
Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical”.
3. “Can I help with dinner?”
Means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
4. “Uh huh”, “Sure”, or “Yes Dear” …
Means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
5. “It would take too long to explain.”
Means: “I have no idea how it works.”
6. “I was listening to you, its just that I have things on my mind.”
Means: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”
7. “Take a break honey, you are working too hard.”
Means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
8. “Thats interesting, dear.”
Means: “Are you still talking?”
9.”You know how bad my memory is”
Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of The first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of ever car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”10. “I was just thinking about you and got these roses.
Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”
11. “Oh don’t fuss – I just cut myself, it’s no big deal”
Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”
12. “Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I am doing.”
Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”
13. “I can’t find it”.
Means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
14. “What did I do this time?”
Means: “What did you catch me at?”
15. “I heard you.”
Means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am Hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t Spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”
16. “You know I could never love anyone else.”
Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”
17. “You look terrific” .
Means: “Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”
18. “I’m not lost – I know exactly where we are”.
Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”
19. “We share the housework”.
Means: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.
Of course, I found this joke hilarious,and in some ways, true. But of course, Mario barely cracked a grin 
. And from there developed an interesting debate about communication between the sexes, and a wonderful suggestion that women should write a thesaurus so men can get even a remote idea of what mean.
Stamped with approval from Wonders of Womanhood – check out our Part II!
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